Facing Increasingly Low Ratings, NBC Cancels The Mohel -Reality TV and Circumcision Don’t Mix

Sam Apple
After airing only two episodes, NBC executives acknowledged yesterday that the network has canceled its highly touted reality TV series, The Mohel. “The ratings just weren’t what we expected,” said NBC spokeswoman Rose Jacobs. “Americans apparently think reality means running around like lunatics on an island. They don’t want reality when it comes to [...]

HORAScopes

Sue Fendrick
HORAscope Sue Fendrick Aquarius (Water Bearer) – Take a tip from a nice biblical gal: if you do it right, you might end up with a cute guy. But watch out for his father; he thinks God talks to him.
Pisces (Fish) – You’ll be chopped to bits before you know it. Respond gracefully. Style [...]

Mad Mazal

Susan Silverman
Directions: One person looks at the mad-yids. S/he reads the parts of speech aloud to respondents who think of words to fit those categories. For example, the reader says “noun” and the respondents provide any noun: “dog,” “house,” “peanut,” “toenail”… The reader says “abstract noun” and the respondents may suggest something like “joy,” “pleasure,” [...]

Further Tractate on Pirke Avot

Gary Bean
The last tractate of the Talmud is called “Pirke Avot,” which is usually translated as “Sayings of the Fathers.” Recent scholarly research has uncovered an additional one that could be call “Further of the Sayings.” While it has understandably been omitted from most traditional editions of the Talmud, I feel it is especially appropriate [...]

Patient Report – Final Psychoanalytical Evaluation

Dr. Yusef Bergstein, Psychoanalyst
Shooshan, Habirah
Patient Name: Haman
Diagnosis: Patient suffers from obsessive-compulsive schizophrenia with tendencies toward hallucination and gambling. Diagnosis is based upon the following evidence:

Delusional Psychosis Patient suffers from recurrent dreams in which his ears are filled with various flavors of fruit filling (apricot, poppy-seed, raspberry, plain, et al; did not mention lemon). Numerous [...]